May 2013
youlightmeuplikethefireworks:
coochiejuice:
the world is over populated and some of you need to die
WHEN I PASS A CLASS WITH A BITCH OF A PROFESSOR
howdoiputthisgently:
WHAT SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO TO ME EVERY NIGHT AT 1 AM
howdoiputthisgently:
(I am working a morning shift at a cafe. We are serving breakfast. A little boy and his mother enter the cafe.)
Me: “So, what will it be?”
Child: “I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.”
(There is a sudden silence and everyone turns to look. The mother looks very embarrassed.)
Mother: “Eggs… he would like some eggs…”
basedgodniall:
i actually get scared and self conscious and very anxious when people my age or younger have all their shit together like what’s wrong with me how come i can’t be like that i want to be social and have my head screwed on straight but i’m not how come they got there before me what did i do wrong
carry-on-my-wayward-doitsu:
REMINDER THAT THE UK RULED ONE FIFTH OF THE WORLD, WE DON’T NEED TO WIN NO SINGING COMPETITION TO PROVE OURSELVES TO EUROPE
epiicer:
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
dear-melina-count-me-in:
magicconchshell:
i hate you and if this was 1692 salem i would accuse you of being a witch
yes
WHEN PEOPLE TALK SHIT ABOUT ME
howdoiputthisgently:
A FEW YEARS AGO:
NOW:
TRYING TO GET TO THE BATHROOM IN A CROWDED BAR
howdoiputthisgently:
FRESHMAN YEAR:
SENIOR YEAR:
“Travel. Don’t book a hotel. Don’t have an agenda. Just pick a place, buy a...”
– Gentlemen’s Wisdom (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
bemusedlybespectacled:
if you ever think mythology is boring or serious business or whatever shit
just remember that cerberus, the hell-hound and guard dog of the underworld, comes from the root indo-european word ḱerberos, which evolved into the greek word kerberos, which got changed to cerberus when it went from greek to latin
ḱerberos means “spotted”
that’s right
hades, lord of the dead,...
WHEN I REALIZE I FORGOT MY CELL PHONE AT HOME
howdoiputthisgently:
how to be a "real woman": a guide
defcock:
ofgeography:
1. do you identify as a woman
2. congratulations you’re a real woman
a+
